


Seldom All They Seem

by write_away



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Fairy Tale Retellings, Gen, Humor, Sleeping Beauty Elements
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-14
Updated: 2019-08-14
Packaged: 2020-08-23 09:56:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20240947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/write_away/pseuds/write_away
Summary: Lord Satan turned to Mr. Young. “When that child turns eleven, he will prick his finger on a rose thorn and die,” he said gravely. The curse began to settle over the child in Harriet Dowling’s arms. He did not know that the child was his own.“Oh bugger,” Crowley said to himself from within the bush. He could feel the pressure of the curse layering over the child, molding into his being and rearranging his fate. He took a risk. “Er… maybe he just falls into an everlasting sleep, yeah?”The curse paused in its molding, considered. All right, it figured. That could make a good story.A Sleeping Beauty AU.





	Seldom All They Seem

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy Sleeping Omens :D I couldn't resist!

Once upon a time, there were three boys born on the same day in August in a small convent for Satanists. 

You have probably heard of them before - but I daresay you haven’t heard of them like this. Allow me to explain in terms you might be familiar with:

Baby A was the son of Deidre and Arthur Young, who was utterly unremarkable in his existence aside from, unfortunately for him, existing. 

Baby B was the son of Harriet and Thaddeus Dowling, who was an American Cultural Attache and was only present at his child’s birth because his flight had been cancelled. He was also utterly unremarkable aside from his propensity for rudeness and the poor decision to sit on the steps of the Satanist church with his phone rather than in the room with his wife.

Baby C was the Antichrist, also known as the Adversary, Destroyer of Kings, Angel of the Bottomless Pit, Great Beast that is called Dragon, Prince of This World, Father of Lies, Spawn of Satan and Lord of Darkness. His father, Satan himself, had chosen to deliver him to the nuns because after so long in this forsaken existence, he knew that if he wanted a job done right, he had to do it himself.

The demon Crowley was also present, because he had been _ told _ to be present and he knew better than to disobey his superiors. It was technically a demon’s job to be disobedient, but everyone knows that means to ignore traffic laws and basic morality, _ not _to go against orders from your boss. 

Unfortunately for him, plans had changed due to Satan’s decision to be a more present figure in his son’s short life, and thus Crowley no longer needed to swap the Dowling child with the Adversary, Destroyer of Kings, Angel of the Bottomless Pit, Great Beast that is called Dragon, Prince of This World, Father of Lies, Spawn of Satan and Lord of Darkness.

Nobody bothered telling Crowley that, though, and it’s very well that they didn’t, for we wouldn’t have a story if they had. 

Mr. Arthur Young was a nervous man. He peered at the other fathers and fiddled with his cigar. He was old-fashioned, as you may have heard, and he believed in celebrating. “Nice night, eh? I suppose a celebration is in order for all of us,” he said and held out the open box of cigars in supplication.

Mr. Thaddeus Dowling ignored the offering. He was on the phone with the President.

Lord Satan, also known as Lucifer Morningstar, the Ultimate Adversary, Supreme Ruler of Hell, Torturer of Damned Souls, Killer of Angels, Enjoyer of Fruit Snacks, Herald of All Things Evil, regarded Mr. Young’s cigars with curiosity, nodded once, and selected one from the box. He liked being congratulated. He liked cigars. He lit his with his fingertips, not particularly caring if either human man noticed.

(They did not.)

Both Lord Satan and Mr. Young turned their gazes toward Mr. Dowling.

Mr. Dowling continued to ignore them.

Satan liked being congratulated. He did not like being ignored. 

What Satan did not know, of course, was that the demon Crowley had been mucking about in the hospital for a solid ten minutes while he shared a smoke with the other proud fathers and that his child, the Adversary, Destroyer of Kings, Angel of the Bottomless Pit, Great Beast that is called Dragon, Prince of This World, Father of Lies, Spawn of Satan and Lord of Darkness, was already in the arms of Harriet Dowling. 

Crowley was slipping out of the convent hospital, satisfied that he had managed to make the baby switch without even the nuns noticing, when he noticed the three fathers who had been sent to the front steps like naughty children in time out. 

Crowley did what every reasonable person ought to do when they see their boss. He ducked behind a bush to hide. 

Mr. Dowling, distracted, stood and wandered off, still on his mobile device, gesticulating widely. His wife had just texted him a picture of their baby. Even Lord Satan had to admit it was a handsome child.

All the better for it.

Lord Satan turned to Mr. Young. “When that child turns eleven, he will prick his finger on a rose thorn and die,” he said gravely. The curse began to settle over the child in Harriet Dowling’s arms. He did not know that the child was his own.

“Oh bugger,” Crowley said to himself from within the bush. He could feel the pressure of the curse layering over the child, molding into his being and rearranging his fate. He took a risk. “Er… maybe he just falls into an everlasting sleep, yeah?”

The curse paused in its molding, considered. All right, it figured. That could make a good story.

And so, when the Adversary, Destroyer of Kings, Angel of the Bottomless Pit, Great Beast that is called Dragon, Prince of This World, Father of Lies, Spawn of Satan and Lord of Darkness turned eleven, he would prick his finger on a rose thorn and fall into an everlasting sleep.

Mr. Young, to his credit, just nodded wide-eyed at Lord Satan, who was summarily satisfied with the man’s support in cursing another’s child. 

“Congratulations to you as well,” he said and pulled himself to his feet. He had places to be, souls to torture. “Have a terrible evening,” he added because he had _manners _ unlike _ some _people on that August evening.

Mr. Young could do nothing but stare after him as his cigar slowly burned to embers.

Meanwhile, the demon Crowley was quietly panicking inside his bush because he had, quite unwittingly, just condemned the son of Lord Satan, also known as Lucifer Morningstar, the Ultimate Adversary, Supreme Ruler of Hell, Torturer of Damned Souls, Killer of Angels, Enjoyer of Fruit Snacks, Herald of All Things Evil to everlasting sleep at the ripe age of eleven. 

If this was what he got for being a proactive employee, he wanted none of it.

Meanwhile, inside the hospital, the nuns were quite unaware of the early swap and had in fact received very specific directions from Lord Satan himself, and so Baby C, the Antichrist, the Adversary, Destroyer of Kings, Angel of the Bottomless Pit, Great Beast that is called Dragon, Prince of This World, Father of Lies, Spawn of Satan and Lord of Darkness, was plopped unceremoniously into Deidre Young’s arms and named Adam. 

Baby B, in a strange twist of events, was returned to his rightful mother, Harriet Dowling, and named Warlock.

Now, with Satan having been directly involved, Baby A was properly disposed of.

Take that as you will.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I'd love to hear what you think. You can also find me on Tumblr at theirdarkreturning! I'll be on vacation for the next week or so, but expect an update when I get back.


End file.
